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Sunday, 26 October 2008

  • This is going to be a shocker...so sit down to read this

    I have an anouncement. I have been wrestling with my inner self for much too long to keep this bottled up inside me anymore. The main reason I kept this part of my life hidden was because I knew that after hearing of this, many of my friends from college will no longer want anything to do with me. I have had to come to accept and acknowldege that my lifestyle is going to make some very dear friends very uncomfortable.

    I am here to be transparent and up front with all of you. Please, I do not wish to discuss the spiritual ramifications of my lifestyle choice or to dicuss the fact that I have given up on Christianity. Yes, I am no longer attending church and I am not sure what I believe. I also wish to not be preached at. I have a feeling that I will be recieving some very moving sermons anyway.

    My family does not know. I have chosen to shield them from this until I feel that I con confidently and without hesitation tell them.

    I have a girlfriend. Her name is Sam and she is one of the most precious women I have had the pleasure of meeting and getting to know. I can't help the fact that I am attracted to her and have come to love her. I know many of you will probably stop reading and go pray for me. Thanks, but no thanks. I hope that I will have friends who will love me no matter what I choose to do with my life. If you're concerned, tell me, but let your love be transparent enough for me to see so that I can at least know that the love is still there. If you feel you must sever all ties with me for fear of associating with someone living immorally than please tell me so that I can move on with my life.

    I don't say these things to be mean-spirited or unfeeling but I'm just protecting myself from the ones that will ultimately want nothing to do with me. Rejection hurts no matter what the circumstance. I desire your love and friendship even if I cannot have your support. I have friends here who love me and support me no matter what and they have been amazing but I keep coming back to the fact that I have some very dear friends that I am far away from that need to know this stuff. Do with this what you will.

Wednesday, 08 October 2008

  • It's Been a Long Time Comin'

     Just to let you all know. I'm alive and doing very well. I'm still in Maine. I'm loving life. I finally have some friends here and I'm feeling very positive about how my life is unfolding right now. So if you would like the longer version of this update let me know and I'll send it off to you. I hope everyone is doing well.

Sunday, 29 June 2008

  • It has been quite a while since I have written. Honestly, life has been crazy these past few months and my motivation for writing has been at a stand still.

    Let's see, in May I had some pretty exciting news. Earlier this month I lost what had become very important to me. I have never felt loss like this before and for a few weeks I was run down and not motivated to do anything. I'm not bitter or resentful anymore. I am learning that God knows what He is doing and He is perfectly capable of leading me in the right direction. I've tried for so long to make my own way in the world and well, we all know how well I am of doing things my way. I screw things up and make a complete mess of my life.

    I have lost some close friends as a result of my lifestyle and decisions. There are friends that no longer speak to me and have never given me a reason for the sudden silence. It's frustrating but I know that I have friends that love me and care about be no matter what and that has been a source of encouragement for me. For the record, I am trying to live better. I want to be the kind of person that strives for holiness. I want to live righteously and freely.

    I know many of you were concerned that I was falling away from my beliefs. For a period there I was unsure of where I was in the grand scheme of things but you know, God has a way of getting our attention and through my situation this past month He did and I don't want to fall away. I don't want to miss out on what He has in store. I just wish those that were once a source of encouragement and support would accept me again. But I can't expect people to go right back to being who I want them to be. They are human after all.

    I am still working at the daycare. I love the children but I am looking for another job, preferably working with children with special needs, mainly Autism. Ah, my goals and my desires change so often. No wonder I'm always looking for something more.

    Pray for me. Oh, and Ruth. I agree with what you're saying about smoking. I smoke and I know that it's an addiction that I need to stop. I know I have no one to blame but myself. Pray for me that I can stop. It's a nasty habit. Love you all.

Sunday, 13 April 2008

  • It's a windy Sunday afternoon and I'm bored.

    Have you ever visited a 3rd world country? Sure haven't.

    If you haven't, would you? I would eventually like to live in a third world country.

    Who do you want the next president to be? I really haven't paid too much attention this time around. Honestly, no candidate really stands out to me. I hope this changes before November!

    Do you consider yourself a republican or Democrat? I tend to lean more towards Republican views but sometimes I think all politics are just a bunch of bullshit.

    What do you think about marriage now a days? Marriage isn't sacred anymore. More couples are getting married too soon and then they find out they weren't meant to be together in the first place. I'm sick of hearing about everyone getting divorced because it's an easy fix. It might have been easier if you had waited to grow up before you took your vows. I'm just sayin'.

    If in public you witnessed a parent abusing their child, would you step in and say something or mind your own business? You better believe I would speak up! No child deserves to be abused....EVER!

    If a mother and her children were starving and living on the streets would you open your home to them for a hot meal, and/or a warm place to sleep for the night? Absolutely. I would also contact local shelters and make sure that they have a bed and at least one good meal a day.

    If you were wealthy and money wasn't an object would you donate to charity? And if so what charity and why? I would donate to Compassion International. I believe in what they are doing.

    Would you give back to your community? Without a doubt. There are so many people and families that could use an extra hand.

    What do you think of battered women who stay in the abusive relationship? It's sad to see women who have such poor views of themselves that they have been made to think that no one else will love them but the one that hurts them the most.

    Imagine you witness a murder. The murder was done by the Mafia, Do you go to court and testify, or use the code of silence for your safety and your loved ones safety? The Mafia are just a bunch of bullies who use their power to torment and scare innocent people. I would testify and dare them to come after me. They haven't seen me pissed off.

    You want to adopt a child, you find the perfect child, then realize he/she is a twin. The other twin has a severe handicapped and is special needs. What would you HONESTLY DO? I would adopt both and love them both as individuals. I would make sure that they both grew up knowing that they were wanted and cared for no matter what.

    Would you ever sit in and watch a person be put to death by lethal injection? There is no way I could sit and watch someone die, even if the courts said that they deserved it. 
     
    Do you really care about the starving children in Africa? I care about starving children in Africa and in other countries that are starving.

    What do you think of women who strip for a living? I think it's sad that there are women out there that feel that the only way they can survive and  make a living is prostituting their bodies.

    What about prostitution? No women should have to sell her body for sex. No man should pay a women to degrade herself for money. Society is sick.

    Is there anyone who knows everything about you? Just one person and I trust her with everything.

    If you were in a crisis would you tell anyone? Well, the last time I was in a crisis I didn't say anything and it almost cost me greatly so if I am ever in a crisis again, yes, I will tell someone.

    Would you ask for help? Absolutely. I know that I have friends that would do anything to help me if I needed it.

    Can you keep a secret? Oh yes. My lips are sealed.

    On your death bed would you confess everything you've ever done wrong? I wouldn't need to. I've already been forgiven.

    Do you trust people? I don't trust as much as I should. I do need to work on trusting God more.

    If a child was left on your doorstep would you care for the child until it was placed in a home? Oh yes. I have always wanted to be a foster parent.

    What if the child was handicapped or had special needs? Of course.

    If you found 1,000 and you knew 100% that it was drug money would you keep it? No. I would turn it into the authorities and cooperate fully...of course I would keep it!!

    If you knew you would never got caught would you rob a bank to pay off your debts? No because knowing me I would get caught and that would be the end of that bright idea.

    In a river there is a drowning dog and a drowning man who would you save? The man of course.

    Would you ever donate eggs (woman) Sperm (men) ? Only after having children of my own.

    Have you ever been fired from a job for stealing? Nope. Never been fired from a job.

    Have you driven while intoxicated in the last 6 months? No but I have ridden while intoxicated.

    Would you forgive an enemy if they sincerely said & meant they were sorry? Yep. I've done it before and I would do it again. I guess I'm just that kind of person.

    Do you hold grudges? For the most part, no.

    Have you ever called in sick to work when you were not sick at all? No. I don't do that kind of thing.

    What are your views on drug abuse? Well, I don't think it's safe and you shouldn't be doing drugs anyway.

    What about gun control? If you own a gun, just don't handle it when you're mad. Ok? Great.

    Do you contribute over 5% of your annual pay to your 401k? I don't have a 401k but if I did I probably would.

    If you were in a restaurant and a couple with a crying baby was seated behind you, would you get annoyed and ask to be seated somewhere else? I wouldn't get annoyed and I wouldn't ask to be seated elsewhere. Babies cry, that's just what they do.

    You are confronted by a person who claims to have a gun, they are demanding your money. Do you hand it over or fight and risk the chance that they may not have a gun at all? They can threaten me and shoot me but they're not going to get any money from me...because I'm broke!

    We've all come across children collecting money for their schools, sport teams etc. Have you ever lied and said you had no money just because you didn't want give them any? No. I usually end up giving in and buying whatever they're selling. They're just so darn cute.

    Out shopping you notice a woman is very nicely dressed and groomed, her child dressed in rags and dirty, what would your opinion be? Would you say anything? It's not my place to judge how a women takes care of her children. Perhaps the child has on play clothes.

    What do you think about violent lyrics in music? There's violence in more than just lyrics.

    Describe what a hero is to you? Someone who goes above and beyond what is expected or required of them with out expecting anything in return.

    If an elderly person was overly rude to you, would you tell them off? I wouldn't tell them off but I would politely tell them that their rudeness was not appreciated.

    Have you ever wished for something bad to happen to someone you know? Probably when I was younger.

    Would you get revenge on someone for doing you wrong? No because vengeance isn't mine.

    Do you secretly hate anyone? No.

    If you could only watch one television station for the rest of your life what would it be and why? I probably wouldn't watch tv anymore if I didn't have a choice.

    Do you believe in life after death? Of course there is life after death.

    What do you think of police officers? "I ain't scared of no Po Po! Call the Po Po hoe!"

    Fire fighters? I think a man in uniform is extremely hot (no pun intended)!

    Did you consider this a deep survey? Deep? No so much.

    Did you tell the truth in every question? Of course.

Sunday, 23 March 2008

  • He is Risen!

    What an absolutely glorious morning it has been! I woke to the sun shining in my windows and a peace that I have not felt in a long time.

    I'm going to church this morning. I've not been to church in months. I'm excited because my soul has longed to worship with others. My soul craves the intimacy of the Father. I'm giving into my soul's desires and man, I am PUMPED!

    As I laid in bed, bidding the remnants of sleep from my eyes, I began to cry. I cry because my heart is full of love and longing. It's as though God reached down and hugged me. He touched me, he touched my broken spirit and I feel...better, renewed, revived, ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

    Today we celebrate the day Christ conquered the grave. He is no longer dead, HE IS ALIVE! He suffered, he died and He didn't stay that way...He did it for me. This changes everything. I've been given the greatest gift this side of heaven and I have squandered it and turned my back on what I know to be true. Well, not anymore. I have denied Him, I've acted as though it wasn't life-changing. Not anymore. I AM A NEW CREATION. I am redeemed. PRAISE GOD! I don't have to struggle anymore.

    I was listening to David Crowder this morning on my ipod and this song makes me want to jump and sing and rejoice!

    Take my heart, I Lay it down
    At the feet of you whose crowned
    Take my life, I’m letting go
    I lift it up to You who’s throned

    And I will worship You, Lord
    Only You, Lord
    And I will bow down before You
    Only You Lord

    Take my fret, take my fear
    All I have, I’m leaving here
    Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
    Be all my delights, be my everything

    And It’s just you and me here now
    Only you and me here now

    You should see the view
    When it’s only You


    "Oh praise the One who paid my debt."

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